5 Games You’ll Never Touch/Play In Your Life

What makes the world go round? Video games! No, not really, but you gotta admit they do help make the world’s revolution around the sun worthwhile. AND FUN (end cheesiness here)! There are different types of video games: retro 8-bits, modern realistic renders, happy, child-friendly genres, and even the too-mature-for-me gameplays. Yep, video games have taken the world since the beginning of time – 1958.

No matter how awesome games are, there will always be a bunch you’ll never ever for never ever, and I mean NEVER, touch your whole life. Why? Because I’ll tell you so.

Troll and I

Just look at how this plays/looks/sounds. It feels like the developers went and said, “Ah fuck it, I want to be done making this asap”. The game is obviously unpolished. Glitches here and there. The voice acting is beyond terrible and lifeless. Don’t let the Troll and I troll you.

Vroom in the Night Sky

Exclusively for the Switch, here you play as a witch who rides a… scooter, even when her broomstick is literally with her. The visuals are cute and dreamy, especially when you’re living back in the 90’s. Its controls suck – imprecise as heck. The English translation sucks – are these just google translated? Even the hyped HD rumble sucks – it just rumbles your Joycon the same way while you accelerate the witch’s scooter. This game sucks – it should just go vroom in the night sky and never ever go back.

Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric

Released exclusively on the Wii U, this Sonic game is based on a cartoon of the same name. It’s supposed to be revolutionary, with four playable characters and brand new character designs. What was going to be great turned into something that reminded fans of Sonic the Hedgehog from 2006. Rise of Lyric is filled with bugs and set the fastest thing alive’s reputation even lower than it was.

No Man’s Sky

I have actually tried this, but only for an hour top. And also because my friend lent me his copy. I was super curious about how bad the game is (according to people), I actually made an effort to try it. Although my friend was fond of this one, I wasn’t. Do you ever get the feeling of doing something only to regret doing it, and you feel like the time you spent on that thing should have gone to things better worth doing? Playing No Man’s Sky gives me that feeling.

Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing

For those who don’t know, this classic is one of the best worst game in the gaming market. It’s a racing game featuring big trucks. Imagine all the other games on this list and add everything up. This game is it. The best features of the game? No collision detection – go through mountains and buildings and even through the map! Race with yourself – there are other trucks but they’re only present at the start and do nothing else. Win every single time – this is actually the best way to make one feel good.

Now go make your wallet proud and get away from these titles as far as possible. Unless you’re some kind of a masochist, then you do you. 🙂